Who Am I, Anyway?

12/02/10

See that me-picture to the left and then the one above?  The me-picture to the left is 50 pounds ago and those 50 pounds, gone with diet pills.  The above is current, taken last month.
This is why I am here.  I look like I ate the girl to the left.  But even so, I am finding my skinny self the right way, I don't like the feeling of being on crack, diet pills suck.    

Me? OK.  Who am I, anyway?  You think after twenty plus ten plus two years on this need-to-get-it greener world, I would know who I am, anyway.  Here's a given: I am a Mom, three times, and my kids are pretty awesome, you'd think so too.  I am a sweetheart and babe to one lucky fella, a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, a best friend, a cousin, a niece and one thing I hope I am not, an enemy.  I hope to be an aunt one day and soon at that, but don't tell my married sister, she's testing my wanna-be-an-aunt patience but I love her still, a whole lot.  


Wanna go in deep?  Well, I am not anyone really that special, but am loved a bunch.  I like to be creative, use my hands and make pretty presents for people.  I love books and just don't believe that the Kindle is going to make me as happy.  And with books, I love bookstores.  Can the bookstore scent be bottled?  Yes, I know, weird.  Never said I wasn't.  I always spell check and wish everyone else would too.  I love looking up synonyms for words.  I like school and the fact that I am finally getting my needed-education.  Long baths make flu like symptoms go away for me.  Solitaire is my favorite card game.  I can watch endless hours of reruns of Friends.  I belong in San Francisco. My honey serenaded me with "Fly Me to the Moon," and yes, I love Frank Sinatra forever because of it, oh, and yes, my honey too. I am a hostess but always at someone else's home.  I've never been but believe I would love Seattle.  I love my furry friend, and can't wait to have a bigger place so I can have more furry friends. 


A little more deeper?  I had a happy childhood and spent most of it reading.  Reading is awesome but it isn't something you can really do while riding a bike or going for a jog and don't think it's easy to read on a treadmill, tried that and wanted to bring up my food.  So thinking of my childhood, my only one "take back," I wish I moved my ass more.  In high school I was neither the sporty chick nor the hot chick.  I wasn't a big girl in high school, that came later, much later but I wasn't a size four either, which is perfectly fine with me.  I had curves, curves I know I still have but they are hiding under lots of extra curves. With a girlfriend once, at the mall, a group of young jerks actually starting singing "Baby Got Back," to me while we were passing by.  I know it was for me, I had the curves and she was blessedly skinny.  
I had my children young, starting when I was 20 and finished when I was 24.  And since then, the baby weight, yes I know I can't use that excuse anymore when my baby is 8, but the weight just never came off.  Did I work on it? No.  So it's my fault?  Damn right.  So here I am.  Many moons and suns have passed since I said I would lose weight.  "Dear Skinny Me," isn't a plea to get skinny.  It's a plea to get healthy and do what is right for me, for once.  I always just passed it to my future self and said, "tomorrow we'll work on this."  How many tomorrows?  Lots and lots of them.  Even as I type this "About Me" in my diet blog, I haven't really started this weight loss journey.  I had Carl's Jr for lunch today, how's that for trying, huh?  My twenties were spent raising three little ones and hiding under lots of layers.  I missed a good amount of time going out for fear of having to dress and suck it all in, and believe me, Spanx only works so well.  Now I am living my thirties and holy hell do I NOT want to be living my twenties over! I am done hiding from outings, I am done thinking of a big event coming up and estimating how much weight can I lose by then?  I am done looking at my sisters and best friends and loving them so much but wishing I could find my own individual style as well.  I don't even know what my style is. Jeans and sweatshirts aren't really creative! I am ready to put my words out there and for once, do something about it! I am ready to post my weight (SCARY) and full blown icky fat pictures of me out there and fingers crossed be able to fix that scary number and take awesome pictures.  So here's to my journey.  Long and hard and shit, I haven't even started and I am freaking out, but here's to my Future Skinny Self ... 100 pounds down.  And if I reach those 100 pounds, I will gladly dance my ass off to "Baby Got Back" and be so freaken proud! 

This blog is my account of my failures, probably be a lot and my successes, who knows, maybe I will have more of those? It is a love-letter to myself as I heal, emotionally and damn right, physically! This is my memory book to myself.
Thanks for reading and being here and super nice to meet you!   


Check out my other blog which will be more than just diet schmiet stuff: Truly Trying