Friday, December 31, 2010

2010 was good, 2011 will be better

Today I buried my best's friends father.  He was like an Uncle to me.  I have known the family and been involved with them since I was a little girl. 
In January of this year he was diagnosed with cancer, already in stage 4 and "sentenced to death" by his doctors, "A year or so to live."  Sad that they were right.  
He is not suffering anymore, there's that.  He is not hurting anymore.  He is at peace.  He was a good man, always there for his family, his wife of over 30 years, his two sons, his daughter and all of his grandchildren.
He will be missed.  
Take this time to reflect on your year.  I know we will.  I will also never take for granted that I have all of my parents with me still, all crazy four of them.  
Today I won't stress over bills that are over due or my house being neglected because I have been sick all week. Today I will hug my children and my sweetie a little tighter and a little longer.  Today I will bring on the New Year with love and happiness and not care a minute about my weight.
Tomorrow is another day ... 
Happy New Years.
Please be safe. 

Monday, December 27, 2010

10 Little Tidbits on this Merry Monday!

1. I skipped this week's weigh-in.  Fail.  But Santa said it was okay, this one.

2. I had a very Merry Christmas

3. I hope you had a very Merry Christmas!

4. I splurged on Christmas Eve, so many delicious goodies.  Yum. 

5. I was much better on Christmas.  Not even eggnog!

6. Christmas colds suck

7. Almost caught up on Dexter season 5 

8. True Blood is next 

9. LOVE those shows

10. The treadmill and I will be buddies this week 

Happy Monday!!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Bed at Nine is Mighty Fine ...

Bed at eight is great!!

This new job is doing what I have needed to do for myself for the past few years ... it's making me sleep!
Getting up at four o'clock in the morning is so not fun, but before this job, four o'clock in the morning was sometimes my BEDTIME.  (Stressed induced insomnia sucks.)  

The last few nights I have been IN BED and snoozing by nine.  Tonight?  I am posting a quick little, "Hello, I am still here!" and then I am getting my deliriously tired booty to bed ... and isn't it a known tidbit that sleeping helps the weight loss?  So, yeah, bring it! Just call me Sleeping Beauty! 

Sleep tight fellow friends!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

"Just keep clear mind, go straight ahead, and try, try, try for ten thousand years." -Zen Saying

Weigh in today was not good but not bad either, because, for now, I will look at it like this: I didn't gain any weight, so there's that.  I did my second weigh in and nothing.  Kinda bummed because I did work out twice this week, I let go of soda (except for sharing one with my honey, which is SO good for me, I usually consume one a day to myself) and I didn't "blank eat" at all.  Blank eating to me is when I stuff my face for no reason.  All week, being at work, helped control what I ate and when I ate. SO ... this week was successfull.  It's a start ...

On a good note, I did create Christmas cookies with my daughter and I didn't eat a dozen.  I ate only one. They were too cute to eat ...

Happy Monday, Friends!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

4 o'clock in the morning is no joke!

Soooo, it's been 3 days and I am rocking it at work! Even joined the gym, yep, my new place of employment has a gym! Know what that means?  Future Desiree is telling me I don't have any excuses.  I have a GYM at work, I get off at 2:30 in the afternoon, I don't have to get  home right away, kids are still in school ... so, yeah, try to come up with some lame excuse with that one, Self! 

I joined yesterday and today did a long and tiring walk on the treadmill.  Wow.  I am in need of this gym obviously! 
Let me tell you a little story:
2:30 on Wednesday afternoon, I gather all my courage, red faced and feeling silly-scared I make my way to the gym at work.  I have an appointment for an EVALUATION.  So many fellow employees were gleeful over the fact that our fancy gym comes with actual fancy trainers and they TRAIN YOU.  I though am the opposite of gleeful, I think I was more scared shitless.  "You mean someone has to KNOW I AM THERE?"  I know nothing of working out and the equipment and what my body should do and so on and so on, so of course I need a trainer, but the thought of a trainer working with me one-on-one is horrifying.  
Here I was, yesterday afternoon, wondering if maybe I could put this gym thing on hold, hey, it's almost New Years, right?  
But I don't ... I go.  And it was horrible and awesome all at the same time.  Oh, it was so horrible when Mister Trainer Man had to measure every once of me, and stepping on that dreaded doctor scale, I shut my eyes, I only look at my weight on Sunday, can't make me look twice in one week.
But once that dreaded review of ME was over and I got on that treadmill and plugged in my iTunes and Lady GAGA started in on me, I was all good.  
I sure do hate those yellow, tape measures though ... they're like evil, little, yellow snakes with dreaded numbers ... ick! 

I hope to be better about updating, I should get used to my new schedule soon, 4 o'clock in the morning is no joke! 
Happy Friday Friends!

... oh, and if anyone could give me some tips to host a blog hop?  I would love to participate in one or host one but have no idea about either ... help? 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Just because ...

Yes, folks. The day is finally here!! My couch and I have broken up and I am DONE holding that dang thing down all day long!
I am finally back in the working world and I think, no, I KNOW this is such a good thing for me.  Not only do I get to go shopping again (and paying bills is always nice) ... but I get a good to start feeling like me again and I am pretty sure this job will be a quick little kick in the rear to helping me be healthy.

Confidence is a tremendous tool for loosing weight and my confidence has been severely beat up lately.  Time to make friends again with my confidence and start living again ... one paycheck and pound at a time!!

Thanks for the all  help too, Friends!!

Sharing my Tuesday Tunes from my blog: Truly Trying because I am back at the 9-5 ... well close to those hours anyway!!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Oops, I did it again ....

Nothing will change.  I am not lucky enough to eat what I want and excuse me for a second, "expel" the food hours later.  I think my metabolism has been on an extended vacation for a few years.  I don't wake up and think about the upcoming exercise I need to do, I actually don't think about it at all.  I always think of tomorrow and how Future Me can figure this one out for herself.  I do however ask myself over and over, "What in the world is wrong with me?"
Whine, gripe, grumble, moan and cry ... I know it could always be worse but why am I such a poor sport when it comes to taking care of me?  I make sure my kids eat their salads and finish it, I make sure they don't sit in front of the TV all day, "Get some exercise," I tell them, "Go play."  But me?  Oh, dear-fatty-me loves to watch television and read and play on the computer.  
What is wrong with this picture?
Another week gone by and what did I do to get healthier?  Zip, zero, nada.  I did do some Christmas shopping and walked around the mall for a few hours.  I would like to think that counts for something, my legs hurt, my feet ached and my thumbs swelled up, seriously, when I move my thumbs swell, totally weird. 
So ... nothing will change.  Unless I finally up and do it! I don't have the money for weight loss surgery, which is what four relatives of mine have had done in the past two years.  And if I did, would I want to do that?  It can be done, I have seen it done in my family by the one member who opted out of weight loss surgery and just moved more and ate less. 
I did update my blog a little.  Check out: My New Weigh In Page ... yes, there's a # there now
and: a few more pictures I added 
So, something must change.  I must get over my lazy hump and do as Nike says, "Just Do It!" 
I start work this week.  Big sigh for not having a refridgerator at my service all day long.  Maybe I can wake up ONE HOUR earlier and go walking or do some DVD excerise tapes that are collecting dust.
Only person stopping me, is me. 

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Good News, Bad News and (insert advanced apology) Holy Shit!!!

Good news: after three long years of being unemployed from a FULL TIME CAREER I am finally and happily an employee again for a well known company that has amazing benefits, excellent employee perks and pretty darn good pay.  It has been a long drawn out three years and I am sure a lot of people can relate to the stresses myself and honey have been through.  Along the road we tried our hardest to not make it too tough on the kids, but they know when the purse strings have been tightened and the nerves are frayed.  It has been over 5 years since a family vacation and yes, we are planning a little weekend adventure in February to GET AWAY for a few days and HAVE FUN.  I have been on cloud 9 lately just thinking of what I can afford again and the best part, I can actually turn on a light switch without holding my breath for fear that the utilities were turned off, yes, a few times it was rough.  "Tis the season for money stresses and even though I wont have an actual paycheck before the big guy in the red suit makes his appearance, I will have a blessed holiday and not take for granted the warm beds we have every night, a roof over our heads, the food in our bellies and the love surrounding us. 

My bad news isn't as much bad news as it is just a realization as to what in the world have I been doing these past three years?  Not working, duh ... so obviously, why in all the glorious amounts of TIME I had didn't I do something about all the extra flab hanging around?  Yes, I have a honey and three children, and homework and house chores and errands and blah blah blah ... Well I can't kick myself anymore while I am down, and I sure as heck can't turn the hands of time back so I guess the best thing I can say to my future skinny self, I am sorry I didn't take advantage of the days I didn't have anything to do.  I will try my super darn hardest to remember this feeling and try my super darn hardest to make exercise just as important as anything else I have to do.  I mean in the long run, it could be the difference of saving my life, literally. 

So, you must be wondering what my holy shit news is.  I said it this very statement out loud today while shopping for a small amount of new clothes for this new job.  I hate to shop, I don't like to try things on but I decided I should today just to safe.  There I am, in the department store with my honey, looking at cute tops and pretty sweaters and grabbing a few and realize, I can put this sweater on right here, no need to find one of those scary full length mirrors, it's just a little sweater that can go over my shirt now.  So I do.  I grab the last size I think I wear, it is a little snug so I think, "OK, lets try one up and another sweater, it has to be the type of sweater, there's no way I am BIGGER." 
TWO sizes later and TWO sizes bigger ... HOLY SHIT! I am going to so be the, "Who's the new fat girl at work?"  Yes, I have thought of looking for work when I lost some weight ... how said is that?  Glad the job is here though.  Next week I start and another positive thing about this new journey including everything else ... there won't be a damn refrigerator within walking distance all day at my service! 

Happy Tuesday, I guess! 

Friday, December 3, 2010

I want to do this but can I do this?

Dear Skinny Me, 
I read all the success stories.  The stories of people losing half their weight, or even losing enough weight for two people, I know it's real, I know it exists, these success stories.  I have seen my very own Uncle lose over hundred pounds and he did it the way I want to do it, eat less and move more.  A little over three years ago I lost fifty pounds and before you add, "you did it once, you can for sure do it again," I will admit to the use of diet pills, taken over a year span and an estimated five-six pound weight loss per week, it was awesome and deadly and oh, so stupid. Now, here I am, those fifty and plus pounds back and the motivation nowhere to be found.  You see, I am one of those, "need to see results now," types of people.  If I don't feel better, look better, fit into my clothes better, walk up the stairs without pain in my knees, if all of these don't happen fast then what in the world am I putting myself through hell over?  I know, I know how awful that statement sounds, but just being honest to how much motivation I don't have.  So anyone know where to find it?  Yes, I want to feel better, look better, fit into my clothes better.  I want to be my young age of thirty-two and not have old ladies knees.  I want to enjoy shopping again instead of just grabbing the item I need in my size and leave.  I don't even know when the last time I was in a dressing room, have you seen those mirrors?  Who is the fat girl staring at me and why is she giving me a dirty look?  Oh, yes, I get surprised by myself in the mirror, I walk really fast by any full length mirrors.  My makeup?  Gets put on by a hand held mirror.  How sad am I? 
In April of this year I had my yearly doctor appointments.  One of the first words from my skinny and sweet female doctor?  "You're ONE HUNDREDS POUNDS over weight.  I almost cried.  I probably did, later on.  So, time to lose 100 pounds.  100 pounds off of me is the weight of my twenty year old self.  
About two weeks ago I started another blog: Truly Trying and thought I would combine that blog with weight loss and life stuff.  The problem, I haven't posted ANYTHING about weight loss.  So, here we are with this blog. I can't hide now, I am out there and I am going to hold myself accountable but what scares me the most?  Not caring.  I always have and am scared to death that I always will have the mind set of, "there's always tomorrow."  Look up procrastinator in the dictionary and I wouldn't be surprised if my picture took up the whole entire page.  
So ... what now?  Well, for starters how hard is it to just move for 30 minutes a day?  Seriously, not that hard, right?  I have a very cute and adorable furry friend who would LOVE for me to take him on a daily walk.  My kids take him daily but they have to take him close to home, not much for any of them to explore.  I should take my little cuddle buddy on a good walk where he can sniff his heart away and I will just listen to my tunes and not think of it as exercise, just me time.  Maybe in time I will enjoy these walks and push myself more.  One step at a time.  So how about food?  I know I need to drink more water so that should be easy.  I have a wonderful bottle with a fancy straw and all, fill it up twice and that is more than enough water for a day.  I can do that.  And food.  For now, just stay away from fast food and anything fried and I can kick soda out of my diet too.  Let's start with that.  
Here goes somethin' ...